Almost Sad But Not

That I can't post about first Holy Communions here forever. We're still basking in the holy glow in this household and I don't want it to ever end. Gianna was deeply moved the other day when she learned the abbey would like her to wear her dress and veil again for their May Crowning mass and procession. Her dad and I will likely be in Georgia at the time, but I'm so happy for her and pleased she will be able to crown her Mother. What an honor.

I'm still getting lots of emails so I'll answer your 2 main questions here. Gianna's dress is this one from David's Bridal. I added a simple (sort of pleated) chiffon cap sleeve to the spaghetti straps. Yes I did agonize over the possibility of ruining the dress, but all that seems so silly now, knowing what happened inside the church last Sunday.

If I could choose one thing besides Catechism to prepare my child for her first Communion....so many of you asked me this question and I have an answer. Read and re-read and have your child read and re-read St. Therese of Lisieux's account of receiving our Lord for the first time:


"I would not tell you everything, even if I could, for there are certain things which lose their fragrance in the open air, certain thoughts so intimate that they cannot be translated into earthly language without losing at once their deep and heavenly meaning. How lovely it was, that first kiss of Jesus in my heart -- it was truly a kiss of love. I knew that I was loved and said, "I love You, and I give myself to You forever." Jesus asked for nothing, He claimed no sacrifice. Long before that, He and little Thérèse had seen and understood one another well, but on that day it was more than a meeting -- it was a complete fusion. We were no longer two, for Thérèse had disappeared like a drop of water lost in the mighty ocean. Jesus alone remained -- the Master and the King. Had she not asked Him to take away her liberty, the liberty she feared? She felt so weak and frail that she wanted to unite herself forever to His Divine Strength. And her joy became so vast, so deep, that now it overflowed. Soon she was weeping, to the astonishment of her companions, who said to one another later on: "Why did she cry? Was there something on her conscience? Perhaps it was because her mother was not there, or the Carmelite sister she loves so much." It was beyond them that all the joy of Heaven had entered one small, exiled heart, and that it was too frail and weak to bear it without tears. As if the absence of my mother could make me unhappy on the day of my First Communion! As all Heaven entered my soul when I received Jesus, my mother came to me as well. Nor could I cry because you were not there, we were closer than ever before. It was joy alone, deep ineffable joy that filled my heart.

That afternoon I was chosen to read the "Act of Consecration to Our Lady." I suppose they chose me because I had lost my earthly mother so young. Anyway, I put my whole heart into it and begged Our Lady to guard me always. I felt sure she was looking at me with that lovely smile which had cured me and delivered me, and I knew all I owed her; for it was she herself, that morning of the 8th of May, who placed Jesus in my soul, "the flower of the field and the lily of the valley." (Cant. 2:1).

When evening came that lovely day, Father led his little queen by the hand to Carmel, and there I saw you made the bride of Christ. I saw your veil, all white like mine, and your crown of roses. There was no bitterness in all my joy, for I hoped to join you and wait for Heaven at your side.

I was very moved by the family feast prepared at Les Buissonets and delighted with the little watch which Father gave me. Yet my happiness was very tranquil, with an inward peace no earthly thing could touch. Night came at last to end my lovely evening, for darkness falls even on the brightest day. Only the first day of Communion in Eternity will never end."

~ from Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux


On a lighter note, I caught this snapshot of two girls, in typical fashion, comparing shoes! They were both so excited to be wearing heels for the first time. :)

On an even lighter note, the funniest moment of the day? Upon Gianna's returning to our pew just after having received the Holy Host, Madeleine leans over me and loudly whispers to her sister, "So...how does it taste?"

That Which Had Us All in Tears

Today we see before us, two precious gifts for Jesus, beautifully wrapped in white garments, the white garments of the newly baptized, the white garments of the martyrs who have been “washed in the Blood of the Lamb.” They are about to receive their first Holy Communion: the Communion in which Baptism finds its fulfillment and the Communion which bears its perfect fruit in the sacrificial love of the martyrs. About these two it may be said: Isti sunt agni novelli, qui annuntiaverunt Alleluia: “These are the newborn lambs, who proclaim Alleluia!” To these also can the words of St. Augustine be applied:

“My little children in Christ, who are the new offspring of the Church, gift of the Father, proof of Mother Church’s fruitfulness. You who stand fast in the Lord are a holy seed, a new colony of bees, the very flower of our ministry, and fruit of our toil, our joy and our crown.” And if our hearts are filled with such joy by these precious lambs, what must be the joy in the Heart of the Savior?

My children, you come to Him to give yourselves, but He who is Love itself, shall not be outdone in generosity: He too shall give Himself to you in the very moment that you give yourselves to Him. You come as presents wrapped in white; He too comes as a present wrapped in white, hidden under the veil of fine, white wheat as you receive Him on your lips, yet He will be opened in your souls as a treasure of infinite love.

Dearly beloved in Christ, these two children come for the first time to the banquet of the Lord. Their hearts will be filled with love, although they have not yet tasted of the sweetness of the Lord. But we, who have tasted of this sweetness, this love, so many times: shall not our hearts be filled with greater love still? May the Lord grant each one here this grace: to receive Him with greater love now than ever before. And on the final day, when you have at last been given irrevocably to the Son, may He open your soul with joy in His heart and say to His Father, "O Father, this is the gift I have always wanted!"

-Excerpt from Father Sebastian Walshe's homily on Gifts, on the occasion of Gianna's first Holy Communion. Please email me if you would like to read the sermon in its entirety.

What happened inside the church today....

....was far too profound for pictures.

Box Cushion

It may have taken me ten days to get only part of my rocking chair seat cushion done, and I may not have started the back cushion yet which will likely take me another month to complete, but I'm so proud of myself. This is my first sewing-involved upholstery project, and I took on cutting foam to size and zippers and welting cord and making continuous fabric to cover said welting. The cover may be a little wonky, and had I hired someone to make these cushions they would surely be done by now, but the satisfaction of learning something new far outweighs the work involved. It feels great.

Third Week of April

We've all been sick this past week....stuffy noses, sore throats, a bit of vomiting here and there mixed with a minor dose of pink eye. I usually escape this stuff somehow, no matter how under the weather everyone else is. But not this time.

On the adoption front, Amanda's OB says she's looking right on target for her due date (only two weeks away!). Our caseworker says we'll get a phone call when Amanda goes into labor, at which point we'll hop on a plane. So very exciting. Everytime I think about that moment I want to fall on my knees in thanksgiving. God is overly generous with me.

Pictures taken through my windshield from the side of a road I drive almost every day. A typical scene in April. California poppies, mustard flowers and pepper trees. I love where I live.

Going back to bed now.

Hungry?

I don't know how I missed Leila's Easter post, but whether you enjoy reading about food or not the pictures alone are worth clicking over for.

No doubt we all have to try this recipe. After all, Leila says it's easy, and it's still Easter. Anything this pretty, delicious and simple to make must. be. attempted. I'm copying her magazine snapshot just to tempt you.

I'm not sure I'll get to it this weekend, so if you make it before I do I want all the scrumptious chocolatey details. Deal?

Giveaway Winner!

I've been having trouble posting the pretty little box from the random number generator here (if you know how to do this, please tell me!), but the winner of the $100 giveaway is #25 - Veronica, from The Little Way (go and check out her adorable clan of boys!). Congratulations Veronica! Please send me your address, and thank you to all who entered!

No Ordinary Dress-Up

Last weekend two moms took two best friends out for a special girls' lunch and dress shopping. Utterly memorable.

These two girls will receive their First Holy Communion in just under two weeks in a mass celebrated by Father Sebastian, a devout Norbertine and good friend of both our families. Last night we all joined Father at a dinner for the girls' final preparation before their first confession.

Hearing Gianna answer Father's questions in her little seven-year-old voice was beautiful:

"...body, blood, soul and divinity..."

"...unbloody sacrifice..."

"...firm purpose of amendment..."

"...Hoc est enim corpus meum..."

and....

"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee..."

Both girls passed their final tests. Two mothers found themselves moved while two dads talked work-related stuff and siblings ran around like mad-dogs. Oh, and Madeleine kissed her friend Colin before we all went our seperate ways. :) Too funny.

Now I need to seriously get in gear. We found a beautiful dress (not the one pictured above) that adds fullness to Gianna's long, skinny torso, but I need to add sleeves. I felt guilty only for a moment about not making her gown, but with a baby coming and travel to plan and so much else going on right now, I'm grateful to have it done. I will be altering it though...does that count?

Today I'm making new box cushions for our old rocker-glider so it no longer hurts the bum and back of the person sitting on it. My husband has been asking me to do this for a while now, and it seems like a good time. We'll be needing it soon.

Last Day

Just a reminder that today is the last day to complete the Catholic high school survey, and have a chance (a very good one!) at winning $100. Thank you to all those who have already answered. I realize this isn't typical for the subject of this blog, but I love my dad and want to help him make the best decisions possible for his school. This is my last plea...even if you don't need or want the money, you can always give it to someone in need or donate it to your favorite charity. So go now and tell us what you really think. You have until midnight tonight, Pacific time.

Baby Update #1

We're at 1cm!

Catholic High School Survey - Win $100!

My father is the Director of Holy Rosary Academy, a private Catholic K-12 school in Anchorage, Alaska. The school provides a faith-based Classical education to more than a hundred local students, but they are looking at the possibility of expanding their high-school program to live, on-line classes for students nationwide. In an effort to gauge interest in such a program, the school is conducting a short four-question survey. Naturally I offered to publish the survey here to help my dad get as much feedback as possible. I would very much appreciate a few minutes of your time to answer the questions below.

Now, about the rules and the prize! Just answer the four questions below in the combox to this post by Wednesday at midnight, Pacific time. Anonymous responses are accepted. Please answer honestly as the purpose here is to gauge real interest in such a program or lack thereof. All responders will be entered in a random number-generated drawing Thursday morning, and the winner will receive $100. Fun! My dad already knows what I think, and I'm family, so I'm not eligible. :( But you are, so have fun, and good luck!

Based on the following assumptions please answer the questions that follow.

Assumptions:

1. A Top 50 Catholic High School [National Catholic High School Honor Roll School]. * improves the student’s chances of admission to the college of their choice and the possibility of getting good scholarships substantially increases (particularly at good Catholic colleges).

2. Unparalleled Faculty: All tutors with Master’s Degrees or better [most PhDs] with extensive teaching experience.

3. 100% of faculty are serious practicing Catholics who have signed both an Oath of Fidelity to the Church Magisterium & a Profession of Faith.

4. Classical Liberal Curriculum: Primary texts –not text books, Socratic Methodology, Seminar versus Lecture.

5. Three Levels of On-Line Education and Costs:

Level I Education: Students enroll in school On-Line no later 30 days prior to the beginning of the semester. All texts are mailed book rate to the Level I students. Full Level I access to the school’s Server is given to the enrolled student in addition to a faculty tutor. All courses are made available and taken at the students pace and according to the student’s time schedule. Annual Tuition $1,000 + fees

Level II Education: All of the level I services plus access to all classes on line in real time as they occur. Class participation can occur through on-line chat with the tutor’s assistant who determines whether a question from the on-line student should be brought forth to the whole class by the tutor’s assistant. Annual Tuition $2,500 + fees

Level III Education: All Level II services plus live admission to class where the student can fully participate and interact with both the other students and the tutor. Level III is limited by class size to a number not greater than 25 per class including the on-site students. Annual Tuition $6,000 + fees

Questions:

1. My view is best described as:

____A. I would have a definite interest in enrolling my child or children in [please indicate] Level I, Level II, or Level III education as listed above.

____B. I am potentially interested in [please indicate] Level I, Level II, or Level III education as listed above but would need more information.

____C. I do not have high school students at this time but would be interested in [please indicate] Level I, Level II, or Level III as my children become of high school age in the future.

____D. I have no interest at this time.

2. For the education described above the tuition levels shown above are:
___ A. Just about right
___ B. A bargain
___ C. Too expensive

3. My children are currently:
____A. Being home-schooled
____B. Are in public school
____C. Are in a Catholic School
____D. Are in a Private Non-Catholic School

4. I am the mother / father of ____ children, ____ of whom are school age.


* As determined by the Acton Institute’s National Catholic High School Honor Roll. http://www.chshonor.org/

Adoptive motherhood has its benefits.

Like, when you're purchasing a few newborn items and the clerk asks, "Are these gifts? Would you like a gift receipt?"

"No thank you, they're for me."

Perplexed and looking straight at your belly, "Oh, you're expecting? When are you due?"

"Yes, May 6th. It's a boy."

Smile and walk out the door. :)

Details, details

Did you hear all the wonderful baby news swirling around the blogosphere this week? What a fabulous Easter! We're thrilled for Rachel and Charlotte! Congrats to both of you ladies!

All right, so I promised more details on our upcoming adoption. This information might be a little dry as it's mostly fact stuff, so sorry about that.

First and for prayer's sake, our birthmother's name is Amanda. As you can imagine she is on our minds and in our prayers constantly. We would be grateful if you would include her in your prayers with us.

Yes, it's a boy! We're positively thrilled, and my husband can't wait for soccer season and football practice. (One of his criteria for choosing a name is whether it will sound good on the football field. Okay, he's partly kidding. But partly not. :)

The baby's due date is May 6th. He will be born in a little town outside Atlanta, Georgia. We hope to book our flights soon, but picking a date to fly is tricky, not knowing whether he will be early, late or right on time. We'll likely just book a date around the 6th and then change our tickets when it looks like Amanda is going into labor. We have to remain in GA for 7-10 days after birth for interstate compact to go through (legal stuff that allows us to take our son out of state). We are very fortunate to be staying with my aunt and uncle who live in Peachtree City, just an hour from the hospital. (On a side note, I was so thrilled when I learned we were going to Georgia. I've wanted to travel there for years to visit the natural beauty I've always imagined and the period architecture surrounding Atlanta and in Savannah.) I doubt I'll be thinking of these things while there, of course. :)

Amanda has asked that this be a closed adoption. Though she knows us from our pictures and what she read in our profile and Dear Birthmother letter, we will never meet her. She does want us to be in the hospital when the baby is born so we can hold him right away, but we will likely be on a different floor. We have mixed feelings about closed vs. open adoptions. We've done both and we have a preference, but I'll explain more of that later.

Our little boy is 1/8 American Indian. We're waiting on written permission from Amanda's tribe to adopt him. We anticipate this to go smoothly as the tribe gave verbal consent, but please keep this in your prayers.

Our caseworker keeps us posted on Amanda's progress. She has not had any contractions yet, but of course this will all change sooner than we imagine. Patrick and I remain in awe of these birthmothers and the sacrifice they make for the good of their babies. Since the first link we had back in November that didn't work out, we've had two more fall through. This adoption looks very good and for various reasons we feel confident that we'll have a baby in our arms in the end. But should Amanda change her mind I know I'll be as grateful and as at peace as I am now. I know I can only do what is possible and God takes care of the rest.

A friend recently encouraged me not to get my hopes up or get too excited in case this falls through. She said she is remaining cautious to protect my feelings. I can't live that way. I'd much rather be happy now and then disappointed later, than to be filled with anxiety before disappointment. I'd rather enjoy the hope of now while in the now. So I'm hoping. I'm excited. I can't wait to hold my new baby and feed him and cuddle all day long and put on his handsome dude outfit! We're all excited here. So don't be afraid to be excited with us, even if it means disappointment later.

...Plus One....

...makes five. As I was saying, I love four. But I think I'll love five even more. :)

Due May 6th. This one is looking good and strong, so we're getting ready!

Thirteen Years

One...

plus one...

makes two.

Add another and we're three...

and another and we're four...
Happy Anniversary, sweetheart! You and those two girls and these thirteen years are the best things that have ever happened to me.

We're four, and I love four.

Scenes from Easter

Hoping you're enjoying a happy, holy Easter with those you love most!

~

Overheard

"Gianna, stop teasing me. You know, you have to amend your life if you want to avoid the pains of hell."

(Can you tell there's been a lot of Act of Contrition practice around here lately?)

Need

Last night while glancing through my reader subscriptions I realized how ashamed I would be in the company of most of the women I read. Some of my favorite blogs from which I take great inspiration in the way of virtue and holiness I can't even bring myself to comment on, knowing how short I fall of the author's goodness.

I've failed many times this lent. Day after day, I've failed. Not only have I failed to keep my resolutions, my promises to God for forty days, but in being the woman He has asked me to be. Daily I have failed to love well, to sacrifice more, to give much and expect little. Last night I was asking myself, "Who am I and what good do I do that He sustains me?" I meditated that I rely too heavily on His mercy, which I don't deserve. I fell asleep discouraged and ashamed.

Then this morning I woke to this:

"Do penance: bury your negligences, offenses, and sins in the deep pit dug by your humility. Thus does the farmer bury rotten fruit, dead twigs and fallen leaves at the foot of the tree that bore them. And what was unfruitful, even harmful, makes a real contribution to a new fertility.

Learn to draw from your falls a new impulse: from death, life."
~St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way, 211 (ht: Kat)

I don't think it coincidence that this was my first subscription read of the morning. I'm not sure if last night's reflections were the work of true humility or the devil trying to creep in just before the Sacred Triduum, but again, He loved me perfectly. He saw my need and filled it.