My other child is like her father....hard working, disciplined, accomplishes great things, perseveres in the face of adversity, tolerates discomfort and unpleasantness....but can have a temper, tends toward anxiety, worry and thinking the glass is always half empty.
Despite some of those latter tendencies both my daughters are happy, social, live joyfully, express themselves with excitement, smiling and laughing a great deal of the time. They both love deeply, desire to please God and as much as are able, want to conquer their faults. I attribute this to a gift God gives parents to recognize the distinct natural temperaments of our children, enabling us to raise them according to natural ability and inclination.
Natural temperament plays a huge role in deciding how to raise a child. A mother simply cannot raise two children with different temperaments the same way and expect the same results. I cannot, for example sit both of my daughters down for schoolwork and walk away for an hour. Though one will work diligently the entire sixty minutes and beyond with no help from me, the other needs a gentle coaxing and word of encouragement every fifteen minutes or so, and a reminder that it pleases God to see her working even when she doesn't want to. I learned years ago that when our plans for an enjoyable outing or activity must be cancelled, one child responds quite naturally with a "yes, Mother", while the other responds better when reminded in advance how much it will please me to know she will accept graciously.
I find myself constantly working with the temperaments of both girls, encouraging their natural virtues while trying to help them temper their natural faults. It is time consuming, but well worth it. And both girls benefit from recognizing and being reminded of their own particular tendencies. Awareness gives them impetus to strive for more of the good, and to "conquer" (our favorite phrase) their faults. They feel a sense of accomplishment to recognize they've furthered a natural virtue or conquered an instance of vice.
This morning, child ran to me cheering herself on, "I did it, Mom, I did it! I wanted to whine really, really bad and I stopped myself! Can you believe it?"
I learn more from my children daily than from almost anyone else. With God's grace, she did it. So can I.
6 comments:
Have you read Personality Plus? Great book on temperaments. There is one in the series called Personality Plus for parents. Very eye opening, especially with those children whose temperaments are different from ours.
now if i could only say "i did it, i wanted to yell but i didn't. isn't that amazing?!" that would be awesome!!
very true, what you said. temperament is so very important to know - though i don't pay enough attention to it w/my dealings w/my children as you do. i need to pay more attention to that.
have you read 'the temperament God gave you'? Great insight.
thank you
Kris and Shelly, I haven't read either of the books you mention, but I've heard great things about both of them. We have an excellent audio cd by Father Basil of the Opus Angelorum on the four temperaments. Very enlightening.
I've read both and both are wonderful. I have found, though, that Personality Plus does a better job of explaining in the temperaments in "laymen's terms", with good anecdotal examples, so I always recommend reading that one first. And I think the test in the back is more comprehensive. That being said, The Temperament God Gave You is a wonderful follow-on book from a Catholic perspective, that does a wonderful job of then incorporating the various temperaments into you faith life, discussing your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship with God, based on your temperament.
Have your read "I May Frustrate You, But I'm a Keeper!"? It is a great read and provides user-friendly information to help you understand your own and your children's temperaments.
Beautiful. You inspire me, Kristen, to pay more attention at fostering my daughters' development of virtue.
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