...sitting in the front pews at Mass. The past few weeks Gianna has wanted to sit in front during mass, and I want to want to sit up there but I'm terribly uncomfortable. I don't like being so visible to all the priests and brothers (tell me I'm silly, but there's something more....uh...fitting about men and old ladies sitting up in front of celibate men). I also fear though our girls are quiet and generally well-behaved at mass, the younger of the two squirms quite a bit (she can't stop moving, ever.) and is a distraction to the pious women who always sit close to the front.
I need to figure out what to do. I recognize the value of my girls being able to see the parts of the mass, and I like that it is possible for them just by the change of a seat, but I'm soooo comfortable sitting closer to the rear.
I'm shy.
When it comes to meeting new people and social situations where small talk is necessary, I'm a complete introvert. Good at exuding confidence and delivering when it comes to small talk, I've always thought myself an extrovert. But I'm realizing only now that inside I don't enjoy superficial discussion so much. Sometimes I'd rather crawl into a corner until it's time to go home. I'm not sure if I've always been this way or if I've changed over the years.
I need a new "career path".
I've had it in the back of my mind for years now that I'd like to attend nursing school once the girls are grown. I'd eventually like to follow my mother-in-law's course and become a hospice nurse, to care for the elderly in their last months and get as many of them as possible to receive the last sacraments. (Grandma Carol is VERY good at that. Even when a Catholic patient is reluctant at first, she perseveres for days, weeks until he agrees to be visited by a priest.*)
I think I may have overestimated myself though. One day when I was helping my grandfather, he cut the back of his hand on a doorjamb while learning to maneuver his new electric wheelchair. I practically fainted and had to sit down for a few minutes. No one could discuss the subject for days without me becoming lightheaded and weak in the knees.
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Has this ever happened to you, this learning something new about yourself? Now I just need to figure out what God wants me to do with these revelations. :)
*Do you not love that?
9 comments:
I'd eventually like to follow my mother-in-law's course and become a hospice nurse, to care for the elderly in their last months and get as many of them as possible to receive the last sacraments.
There is already such a pressing need for these kinds of care givers and as the Boomers get older, the need is only going to get more desperate!
We frequently sit up front at Mass at a Cistercian monastery with over 20 priests and brothers. They really love seeing the children. BigBoy started asking if we could sit there because he loves to watch the "Father Parade". (That's what he calls it when they process in.)
It has indeed, Kristen. I am currently coming to learn things about myself that I never ever could have guessed a year ago- or six months ago! My mother-in-law had a beautiful take- it is the opening up of space in our souls for Jesus to come in and reside more fully!
I used to hate sitting near the front too, but I think it actually helps to reduce the squirmyness of my little girls when they can clearly see the altar. Maybe it would help if you offer up your discomfort as a sacrifice for your daughters?
I understand not wanting to sit up front - I'm a back pew girl myself. :) Might I suggest moving towards the front slowly? It is helping me. We used to sit all the way at the back; now we sit about 1/3 from the front. We'll probably move up a bit again soon. I find that it helps to take it slow.
I can totally relate to the fainting at the sight of blood. My husband jokes that if he didn't work at home and was on hand in emergencies half of our kids would have bled to death.
I'll be 62 when I'm done homeschooling my youngest, so I think I'd just like a second career as a grandma. I want to be readily available for my kids and grandkids. My mom worked into her 70's and she couldn't devote much time to grandma things because of business.
When I was little, my grandpa fell and got hurt and I still remember how I couldn't stop crying for him! Now I am an RN and have to say, I still get squeamish when it comes to my own family. Maybe a non-medical role with the elderly? I often think I would have liked to have been a Unit Secretary... I have such regard for the good and kind ones who have such compassion for the patients, families, and staff alike.
We sit up front..all seven of us. I do it b/c my kiddos can see what is going on and pay attention better. (Hypothetically speaking of course). I also want my boys to see the vocation (priest) played out in the beautiful sacrifice of the mass. However, I do not get nearly as much out of mass when we sit up front. Why? Because I am even more worried about the kids being on their best behavior. This is tricky because Rose Catherine is 16mo old and VERY LOUD!!!! We almost always end up making the long (very long) trek down the aisle to quiet her down. Once again, balancing the needs of my family proves to be a tricky thing. Okay, you didn't ask for all of that....thanks for the opportunity to vent (ha ha).
On a different note, I start babysitting my girlfriend's 6 wk old today. She is such a sweetheart. I have committed to watching her for the next 10 mo.I ask for your prayers that this first day go smoothly. (Specifically for Rose Catherine........) Blessings, Kelly
That's beautiful, Jeannie.
Melanie, yes, yes.
Emily, that's a terrific idea. I'll try it.
Mtn Mama, my MIL works per diem about 4-10 days a month, giving her lots of time with her grandkids, while performing a work of charity. That's more what I had in mind. (And the extra $ allows her to enjoy life with travel and lots of adventures with her granddaughters!)
Wow, Kelly, I will pray. Bless you for helping a friend in need!
I just wanted to comment on what a beautiful ambition it is that you want to minister to the aged. There is a desperate need for our older brothers and sisters to be encouraged in their final perseverance. A beloved priest in our diocese recently received his RN training so that he could care for his elderly brother priests. So beautiful.
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