Friday, January 30, 2009

For all mothers who have lost a child...

....please read this heartwrenching piece, and storm heaven in prayer for my friend Christy, her husband and ten beautiful children (including her sweet Clara).
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Mariposa is our home, but it also means little butterfly and that is what she is. A sweet butterfly that is in her cocoon, will come forth in brilliant color, bestow a butterfly kiss and then fly away as the spring time air calls her forth.

My Little Mariposa
By Christy Wall

The technician’s hand is poised over my swollen belly like a child standing with a net, waiting to catch the butterfly. The baby flutters and turns in the warm water, I can almost see her pretty face laughing. There is a wild trail of goo on my skin marking the dance of my daughter as she cavorts within my womb. I am breathless with her beauty.

My daughter. My daughter, Clara. It is music to my ears to say her name. She pauses for a moment and the technician starts measuring with clicks and whirls of the machine. I am so enamored with her pretty little round head that I do not see the horrendous cysts taking up the space where her brain ought to be. Her arms wave in front of the camera like a sweet greeting and my heart swells with love, but I do not see that the other one lies floating in sea, for it has no bones. The misty floaty thing, the technician says to me, as I admire her curved spine, is her bowels. I can not even process this information, for she has taken off again in a flight of fancy, swirling and leaping in joy. And finally, the technician mentions the heart that is doing nothing because it is broken. I look at the technician with wide eyes "But my heart is all she needs."

"Yes," she agrees slowly. "But your baby will die once she leaves your womb." Tears well up and in a moment I am sobbing. I am overwhelmed. My little daughter is alive and rejoicing in life. She knows my voice, the beating of my heart, the measure of my step. She knows the deep voice of her father, the laughing voices of her nine brother and sisters. She is home and has a family. My womb gives her the only life she will ever know. Every moment within my womb is a moment of joy and love and comfort that she would not otherwise have. Because the minute she is born, the world will kill her. What mother does not wish to protect her child with her very body? And I am given the unique privilege of giving her the only life and protection she will ever know.

But there is more. With God’s grace, I will carry this baby in my womb for 20 more weeks. 20 weeks to know her better, for the children to talk to her, for her to kick with her two good strong legs, for her to laugh as she plays in the waters which belie her floating intestines and arm, for her to love because she does not need a brain to love.

And after that, I will bring a priest and the family to the hospital. And I will deliver this baby into the arms of the priest who will baptize her. She will be born into Life, then. Eternal life.

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15 comments:

regan said...

i can relate and it is SO hard.
the only comfort comes from knowing that we have someone, who was a part of this family, interceding for us in heaven, because we loved him and we wanted him, but he just wasn't meant to stay with us for very long.
thanks for sharing that.

Kim said...

Found you through Conversion Diary.

What a lovely, moving piece that says it all. Beautiful writing.

Ellie said...

Kristen, thank you for posting this for your friend. I know this pain ... I am in tears, and will add her and her family to my prayers ...

Hallie said...

This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. The Wall family will be in my prayers.

Mary said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. We will be praying for Clara, Christy and their family. May God's blessings and peace rain down upon them.

Mary said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. We will be praying for Clara, Christy and their family. May God's blessings and peace rain down upon them.

kimberly said...

Oh, Kristen...please convey the tears and prayers of another mother who has known the grief of a child that never made it to birth. May God grant her peace and the joy of knowing that love is never wasted, that this time is precious, that every day is a gift.

Thanks you for sharing Clara's story...how I wish it were longer...

Cecelia said...

I am in tears and I will be praying for their family.

thetuckerbunch said...

This is truly heartbreaking. I will remember this family in my prayers. Thanks for sharing.

Ouiz said...

I will be praying for your friend and for Clara this evening. I am in tears over here. Your friend has a beautiful heart and an amazing gift of words.

May Our Lord grant them comfort and peace... and joy in loving Clara...

Jack-a-roo's Mom said...

Thanks for sharing. So beautiful. They will be in my prayers.

Emily (Laundry and Lullabies) said...

I am praying for the Wall family. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be.

Anonymous said...

Christy and her family are such a blessing to all who have been touched by them. I say this thru tears. A mass will be said at ST. Michaels Abbey for them. I love you Christy.
Carol

jordin said...

I have had friends who have gone through painful experiences like this, and this is the first time it has ever sound beautiful. What a wonderful person to view it so lovingly! What amazing grace and spirit this woman has! Thank you for sharing her experience with us (me!).

Cathy Adamkiewicz said...

What beautiful words....
I was able to bring my little girl into the world for only a few months; I know this mother's pain.
And I know her joy! And I can feel it in her words.
Thank you for sharing this.