Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Lord gave,

and the Lord hath taken away: as it hath pleased the Lord so it is done: blessed be the name of the Lord.

Our adoption fell through. We'd suspected something was wrong for several days prior to the official call from our agency - we just didn't know what was wrong. Really we still don't know the whole story. What we do know is that God knows best. We are as grateful for this outcome as we were to learn the good news in the first place. It is all Good news.

I'm relieved to have confirmation. I'd been pacing every last inch of my house almost nonstop from last Wednesday into the beginning of this week, wondering. Now I don't have to wonder. I'm also grateful it happened this early on in the process. Had I another few weeks of anticipation, I would have been very attached to this baby. It's quite amazing how a simple image can change your heart so quickly. Oh, those beautiful sonograms.

On the positive side, we're resuming all our seasonal plans....a Nutcracker performance, local Christmas festivals, parties, parades, and a long-ago planned family vacation in January. (Thank you Lord, for not allowing us to cancel our plane tickets - we came so close!) Most importantly we're eagerly awaiting the beautiful birth of our Savior, the Healer of us all.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how incredibly wonderful my husband is. The extra embraces, those strong arms around me, those beautiful flowers. I almost feel guilty....really, I'm not sad. There's no cause for sadness in my house. The mere presence of my two girls and the possibility of self-pity are a contradiction in every way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your outpouring of joy! I. LOVE. you.

51 comments:

Kris said...

Clearly, there is another baby out there, waiting to be born, that God has chosen to be a part of your beautiful family! You have such a wonderful heart and I am amazed at your faith and so glad I found your blog! My family will pray for yours during this Advent season, in hopes that God is preparing YOU for another child.

Maureen said...

I understand the mix of feelings and pray that the little girl and her Mom can build a good life together. May your wait for the child that is to join your family be short so s/he can find her way home soon.

Kathryn said...

Oh you have such a beautiful faith! I am praying for you guys as God's will unfolds...
And of course I am praying for the mother and baby girl...sometimes I wonder if failed adoptions happen so that mothers and babies can get some extra prayers!

Mrs. Mike said...

I'm so sorry. Your attitude and outlook is nothing short of an inspiration.

kimberly said...

Ah, Kristen...the beauty of your faith in this time of suffering, your ability to continue joyfully through the season, is inspiring. Your family will be in our prayers and we will pray for that baby girl, who had found a home in your heart...may God grant your peace and everything good thing...

Cheryl M. said...

Hugs for you, Kristen :)

Charlotte (Matilda) said...

What an amazing example of faith you have given us! God bless you and your family!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear that, on your behalf. That particular quote is one of my favorite from Scripture. "The Lord gave, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord." It's the epitome of true Faith. Blessed be His name, no matter what.


Prayers for mother and baby. May God richly bless them both.

-C

JennyM said...

Oh, Kristen-- we will continue to pray for a new addition to your beautiful family and in thanksgiving for God's perfect will and plan for you all. And prayers that God continue to bless your sweet heart with His peace, joy and love for Him and your dear ones at home.

Grace in my Heart said...

I know our Blessed Mother is smiling down at you now. Your ability to see the good and find joy during a difficult time is exactly what she would do. Thank you for sharing your strong faith with us.

You and your family are in our prayers. Have a very blessed Christmas!

Emily (Laundry and Lullabies) said...

I'm sorry that a new baby won't be joining you this Christmas, but look forward with anticipation to the baby that God does have for you.

K said...

*hugs* praying that a new baby may be gracing your home soon.

Kelly said...

I always think of moments like yours (and mine as we went through something similar) as all part of the bigger plan. God has a baby out there for you and you for him or her - all in His timing. Our prayers are with your family. Have a blessed Advent, Christmas, and vacation in January with your wonderful family.

Jeannine said...

You are an exquisite example of grace and faith, Kristen. Praying for you, your husband and daughters, and the dear mom and baby.

Meredith said...

I am so sorry Kristen, your faith is a beautiful example for us all! God bless you and your sweet family :)

Catholic Mommy Brain said...

Thank you for your beautiful example of faith! You are in my prayers.

Literature Goddess said...

May you and your beautiful family be showered with blessings this Christmas. Praying for this wee one and her mother that they will be able to build a life together...Sending hugs!

Ellen said...

Praying for your broken heart. God always answers our prayers.

Paula said...

I'm so very sorry for you and your family. Everyone else is right about God's planning. When He closes a door, He opens a window somewhere else.

sarah said...

I'm sorry for your loss, and pray that it came about through love - perhaps the mother found redemption and hope through her love for her child. I pray too that if another child is meant for your family, she or he finds his way to you at the perfect time. But I am sorry for the loss you must be feeling.

christine said...

i'm so sorry kristen. continued prayers that you have another bundle of love on your doorstep soon!

Christine said...

May God's will be done. I pray that He blesses you with another little miracle soon.

Ellie said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers, and the mother and baby, too ... Thy will be done, Lord. But it is still hard.

Anonymous said...

I hope you know the consolation of our Lord during this time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I admire your dedication and persistence in your vocation of motherhood through adoption, despite the grief it may bring you at times.

May His Love always sustain you.

In Christ,
Cristin

Michelle A said...

I will continue to pray for your family.... I have been thinking about you all so much all weekend after seeing your hubby on friday. I will pray that God comforts you in all the various emotions that you might be feeling. His plan is the right one.... You are in my special intentions and my heart is heavy for you- Michelle

Erika said...

Many prayers for you and your family! God shines so brightly through your words--may he reign in your heart right now!

Jennifer said...

Kristen, I'm so sorry. We are praying for you all, love and hugs.
Jenn

antonia said...

Sorry to hear this development.
with love & prayers
xxx

Kate Wicker @ Momopoly said...

Your faith is so beautiful, Kristen. You are an inspiration to many.

I'll be praying for your family.

Peace & Joy,
Kate

KC said...

As Charlotte stated, you are amazing.

Shawna said...

What a beautiful spirit of Advent you have. Praying for you, your family and the birthmom and babe.

Mary said...

My Dear Kristen,
We will continue to pray with you and your family as you continue to wait patiently upon the Lord to bless you and your husband once more with new life. Your faith is inspiring.
Blessings and Grace as you continue your advent "waiting" for the right little person to fill it.

Melanie B said...

Oh Kristen, I wish I could hug you. Thank you for sharing this with us. There is such beautiful grace in your words and I remember being there: truly not sad and almost guilty for receiving so many condolences and so much grace in prayer when we lost our little Francis to miscarriage. God truly is good even when he takes away that which we think we want. His plans are greater than ours could ever hope to be.

I hope and pray that there is a child who you will get to bring home with you.

You are in my prayers and so are your family and the baby and her mother.

Laura said...

What a great testimony to your faith! May God bless you with another baby soon.

Jamie said...

So sorry Kristen--((((big hugs))))
and prayers!

Right Said Red said...

Kristen,

We will keep praying for you and your family. Your peace is clearly sent by God, and I thank you for sharing your great faith with all of us. I will continue to pray for you peace, and that another baby finds your family soon!

Jen L said...

You are such a joyful person! I love it. Very true that in everything God has a plan and it's all for good.

Maygy said...

Kristen, your faith and attitude is such an inspiration to me. God bless you and your family. Thank you, as always, for sharing your story with us.

Michelle said...

((HUGS))

Ouiz said...

I am truly sorry that this adoption fell through, but I am thankful that you and your family are able to continue to trust in God. May He bless you and your family RICHLY in the coming year!

Elizabeth said...

God bless you Kristen! My family will be praying for God's continued grace upon your family.

Julie said...

Kristen, you are absolutely beautiful both inside and out! God Bless you and your family!

coffeemom said...

I"m so sorry! I had two fall through, one a few days prior to the birth. Devastating. I still think about that girl....Praying for comfort and peace.

Faith said...

I think this is a signpost of an even greater blessing coming your way. God bless you and your family, Kristen!

Jennifer Gregory Miller said...

Kristen, There are of course no words, but praying for your peace in this disappointment.

Anonymous said...

Please be assured of continued prayers from the Halsell family. Thank you for your beautiful example of resting in God's perfect will.

Beth said...

I'm so sorry it fell through. I will keep praying you guys will be blessed with a baby soon!

Diane said...

God bless you and your beautiful family, Kristen. You are such an incredible witness of true faith and hope and trust in your Father. I'm praying for you. <3

Theresa said...

You are amazing. Just amazing.

Anonymous said...

God bless you! May you feel consolations in the weeks to come and know that many are holding your family in prayer!

Jenny said...

I am sorry to hear this news, but you are an inspiring person to say the least. You and your family will be in my prayers. God Bless.