Saturday, March 31, 2007
....[C]onsider the conduct of Jesus in the presence of His persecutors: we see zeal for their souls, meekness, personal disinterestedness, and total abandonment to God. (Divine Intimacy)
Do not be afraid of anything that you are going to suffer. Indeed, the devil will throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will face tribulation [...]. Remain faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. (Revelation 2:10, from the Vigil of Passion, Magnificat magazine)
As I look back over my Lenten observance, how have I truly died to self in order to live for God in the service of my neighbor? What signs do I see of new life in my daily thoughts and deeds? How has Lent prepared me to live more fully in God's house as a member of his household? (Prayer at Night, Magnificat for Holy Week)
Have a blessed Holy Week, friends!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
If your daughter asks you to try on your wedding veil and you hear a voice inside your head telling you not to allow it, LISTEN to that angel speaking to you......
.....unless you're in need of a good cry!
Epecially if she is wearing her white summer nightgown. : (
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Any and all suggestions will be most appreciated. Perhaps it seems silly that I'm asking advice via this blog, but I know many of you already own outdoor statues and/or know of a good place to find one. Thank you!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30 am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Both are beautiful and perfectly lady-like. The only real piece of jewelry I wear is my wedding band, and I have two pairs of drop earrings (faux, natural-colored stones) that I love and wear almost daily.
3. What was the last film you saw at the theater? The Prestige
4. What is your favorite TV show? We don't have a television.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal
6. What is your middle name? Lynn
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Ooohh, I enjoy all kinds of food. If I had to choose one, it would be French cooking. I love their use of fundamental techniques, like a basic "mother" sauce upon which a bazillion other "petite" sauces can be made, and the time-intensive process which produces the most delectable results. Give me duck a l'orange or ratatouille any day. Enhance meat or fish with a bearnaise, bechamel, or a flavored veloute and I am one pleased little lady. I enjoy French cuisine rarely though, because it's also cost-intensive!
8. What foods do you dislike? I can't think of anything. I've never tried head cheese but I'm pretty sure it would fall in this category.
9. What are your favorite chips? Tim's Cascade - Sea Salt and Vinegar
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack.
11. What kind of car do you drive? A silver Honda Pilot, an eight-passenger SUV. I'm planning on filling it up. (No, I'm absolutely NOT kidding. When I decided on this car I chose it over a seven passenger minivan because in it I could seat one more child!)
12. Favorite sandwich? Square-mustard salami with sliced onion and romaine, or any grilled panini sandwich.
13. What are characteristics you can't stand? I can stand all characteristics. But I am most saddened by the judging of others and the complaining about personal injustices. The first seems so contrary to charity and the second so contrary to acceptance of the cross.
14. What are your favorite clothes? Jeans with a feminine blouse or sweater, making them look pretty instead of grungy.
15. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go? Prague, Budapest, Provence with my husband, or this ranch with the whole family!
16. One random fact about myself: I was raised in Alaska and had a llama named 'Winston' for a childhood pet.
17. Where would you want to retire? Where I live now, but on a two acre horse ranch property. (I have one in mind, just down the road.) :)
18. Favorite time of day? Morning, morning, morning!
19. Where were you born? Kingston, Pennsylvania
20. What is your favorite sport to watch? I wish I enjoyed sports. Sorry.
21. Coke or Pepsi? If I had to choose, Coke. But I don't drink either very often.
22. Beavers or ducks? Huh??
23. Are you a morning person or a night owl? See #18.
24. Pedicure or manicure? I would love both! It's been years.
25. What did you want to be when you were little? I don't remember wanting to be anything specific. I am very pleased with my current vocation.
26. What is your best childhood memory? So many happy memories, playing with my brothers in our backyard, summer vacations visiting family in Pennsylvania and California. But my favorite of memories would have to be my Dad's "Petee Dink and Lars Fossil" bedtime stories. They were the BEST! I think he should publish them. Grandpop now tells the same stories to his grandchildren, and he is the best storyteller!
27. Ever been to Africa? No, but I would love to go on a Safari with my husband!
28. Ever been toilet papering? This one merits a story. Yes. When I was sixteen, a girlfriend and I toilet papered some homes of friends, and were picked up by the police at 3:00 am. When the officer, preparing to phone my parents asked if my mom and dad were home I replied, "My mother is home." He inquired, "Where is your father?" at which time I smiled at him and responded, "In jail!" (My dad was serving a week after having been arrested at an Operation Rescue demonstration.) The officer turned to look at me in the backseat of the police car and asked "Who is your father?" When I told him my dad's name, he said, "Oh, I know HIM" and smiled. (At the time my father was President of Alaska Right-To-Life, and his face was all over the news during the years OR was active.)
29. Been in a car accident? Yes, a terrible one with my best friend.
30. Favorite day of the week? Sunday and Monday.
31. Favorite restaurant? Julienne in San Marino for breakfast and lunch. Studio at the Montage in Laguna Beach for dinner. Mmmm....
32. Favorite flower? Blush-colored ranunculus. Strike that. Any color ranunculus!
33. Favorite ice-cream? Sad to say I don't care for ice cream much.
34. Favorite fast food restaurant? Whichever has a playground when I need a break!
35. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None.
36. From whom did you get your last e-mail? Lissa
37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Home Depot's Expo Design Center. I'd love to be able to pick out everything from floor tiles and faucets to wood-paneled refrigerators and outdoor living furniture. And draperies, and footed bathtubs, and light fixtures....you get the picture!
38. Last person you went to dinner with? My husband and daughters.
39. What are you listening to right now? Aaahh, silence. (Girls are napping.)
40. What is your favorite color? Light blue and blush.
41. How many tattoos do you have? None.
42. How many people are you sending this to? I can't say exactly. Over six-billion in potency.
43. What time did you finish this blog entry? 3:17 pm
44. Favorite magazine: Magnificat and House Beautiful.
45. Coffee or tea? Coffee.
46. Do you tan easily or burn easily? Tan.
47. Do you color your hair? No.
48. What was the first car you ever purchased without the help of your parents? A Honda Accord with Suzanne, but my first lone car purchase was an old white, diesel-fueled Mercedes Benz.
49. What is your most dreaded household chore? Shower cleaning. It gets done about twice a year. (Yuck!) But the most humbling is toilet cleaning.
Inside, it reads: "Hope you are being well cared for."
I'll sign: "Love, Kristen"
Monday, March 26, 2007
Today we celebrated the Annunciation quietly in the home. Gianna and I baked an angel-food cake* (symbolizing the Angel Gabriel) topped with a blue glaze (a Marian color) and adorned the perimeter with a circle of flowers. I had intended to dress the cake with white carnations (representing purity and the Incarnation), but with so much blooming in the back yard it seemed silly to buy flowers from the market.
Remember the drawing in the background? I had forgotten about it until last night, and though its artistry is unworthy of a permanent place in the home I framed it for the day and set it on the dining table. We enjoyed our special meals with the Angel Gabriel and Mary feasting along with us.
Now we're geared up for these last two weeks of Lent. I always find the anticipation of Easter Sunday intensifies right about now, and this year is no exception. Even my daughter asked this evening when I explained that tomorrow is not a feast day, "So WHEN is this sacrifice stuff gonna be over, Mom?" My first inclination was to respond with the date of Our Lord's Resurrection (which is the answer I gave her), but then I realized a more perfect answer would have explained sacrifice as a true friend who accompanies us throughout our whole lives, keeping us close to Jesus. But she will discover that soon enough for herself, if she hasn't already. She has a sister, after all!
[*Fun tip: For this cake I used a standard angel-food recipe but substituted champagne for some of the liquid. The light, fluffy texture and delicate flavor were such a pleasant surprise, I might just utilize the substitution for every cake recipe from now on. Yum!]
Thursday, March 22, 2007
In October of 2004 we phoned our adoption agency with hope and excitement at the prospect of bringing a new child into our family. This time, however, we would be taking a fairly substantial risk due to the fact that we we were moving out of state and had about ten months from the start of the process to bringing a baby home. In reality though, we only had eight months from the time we were placed on the waiting list. Knowing that many couples wait two or more years for an infant, we were taking a rather large "leap of faith".
I was not afraid. I had already suffered a failed adoption once before, and mindful of the abundant graces obtained from that loss I knew God would provide, whether we successfully adopted in that short time or not. But I truly believed we would be blessed with a new baby and a sibling for our Gianna, who possessed that abundant happiness and love, so universal to young children, which beckoned someone else to share it with.
I will never forget the day we received that promising phone call from our agency. I was in my kitchen in the late afternoon, bright sun rays beaming through our dining room window. I remember the smell of roasted rosemary-garlic chicken in the house and the quiet of the afternoon while Gianna was napping upstairs. I remember feeling as though I had just walked through the gates of heaven, not quite seeing the face of God yet because I could not remain calm or still, but I stood in hope-filled, excited anticipation of something glorious about to happen.
After hanging up the telephone I knew a dozen things - about the birth parents and their reasons for choosing us, about the pregnancy and health of the baby, that the baby was due in less than a month and that we would be having another girl. "A girl?" I asked, and the caseworker responded "Yes, a girl." My heart was thrilled. Images of sisters twirling around in their dresses, playing with dolls, sharing a bedroom, and sitting on their Daddy's lap in pig tails while having fairy tales read to them- this is what passed through my mind. I savor the memory like it was yesterday.
During the weeks before our Madeleine was born, we were able to attend prenatal appointments with the birth parents, taking Gianna with us. Having had no experience with sonograms, infant heartbeats or the joys that accompany such events, I was so grateful to be present during these visits. I had no idea the sound of a baby's eight month old life could be so overwhelmingly beautiful. My husband also treasured these moments and was amazed by the miracle of it all. Gianna simply thought it was funny that she could hear her sister in someone else's belly!
And then came our big due date. And then passed our big due date. (I know how you mothers feel now - the anxiety is almost unbearable!) After a few more weeks passed, the doctor finally ordered an induction. He scheduled it for 8:00 pm on the eve of the Feast of the Visitation. It seemed perfect. The day celebrating Mary's greeting of Elizabeth, two women coming together, each expecting a baby of their own. And now two more women would be coming together, but these two mothers would be expecting one child, who would be loved and treasured by both.
The night of Madeleine's birth was a miraculous whirlwind. We arrived at the hospital a little before eight o'clock and met with Danielle and Gabriel in the parking lot. We all walked in together. After the routine check-in, transfer to our room, etc., the doctor arrived and checked Danielle. She was dilated only one centimeter when the prostaglandin tablet was inserted, and the doctor asked us to remain in the waiting room until the next examination. Around midnight we were informed that Danielle was still at one centimeter, and the doctor insisted we drive home and get a good night's sleep. He said he was certain she would not go into labor until sometime the following afternoon, and that it would be best for us to get some rest. We were nervous about leaving, but he again insisted we go home and that he would call us should there be any progress.
We arrived at home about thirty minutes later and went to bed. (Don't ask me how we could sleep soundly, I have no idea!) After an hour of rest the phone rang and both of us jolted out of bed. The nurse informed us that Danielle was beginning to have contractions and encouraged us to come back to the hospital. I remember the feeling of stirring nerves and the pulse of restless heart palpitations. I wondered whether we would make it back in time for the birth of our baby.
When we returned to the hospital room, Danielle was at three centimeters but quite relaxed and her contractions did not seem to bother her. We returned to the waiting area, only to have the nurse open the door violently a few minutes later shouting, "It's time! Hurry up!"
I don't think my feet touched the ground along that corridor. But when we approached Danielle in her room, in her sweet, quiet voice she announced, "This is it. Are you ready?" Madeleine's head was visible, but the doctor asked her to wait a few more seconds while he made his preparations. I remember this beautiful, bluish, somewhat alien-like creature surfacing, her head first, then those sweet little shoulders one-at-a-time, that round belly and those adorable feet. The doctor handed me the scissors and I cut the umbilical cord. How beautifully symbolic that moment was, an event that made an enduring impression on my soul.
Being present at Madeleine's birth was something I never thought I would desire. But it was one of the most miraculous, awe-filled moments of my life. It is indeed the closest thing to participating in the Divine I can think of.
The nurses asked Danielle who she wanted to have hold the baby first, and without hesitation, she insisted that I take Madeleine into my own arms. I cried. As we held our Rose from heaven and marveled at all her tiny features, Danielle looked up at us ever so sweetly, smiled, and congratulated us. SHE is a miracle!
The rest of the hospital stay was all about holding, kissing, gazing at and cuddling with our new infant, and thanking God for every minute we had with her. Gianna visited her new sister the very day she was born, and our photographs and video footage of the encounter are precious. She was so tender with this little babe - her gentle kisses and caresses, so lovingly executed, were enough to make a new mother's heart melt.
My heart still melts today when I see the two of them playing, fighting, laughing, embracing or just sitting together. I once said that I am grateful for their moments of discontentment and temper tantrums, because the very sound of fussiness reminds me that I am not childless. My two girls bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined. I hope through grace I might return that happiness by giving them the love of Christ, to guide them on this earth and prepare their entrance into the gates of Everlasting Joy.
One of the most beautiful lessons I have learned from my sweet Madeleine is that sometimes, a "leap of faith" is all we need.
Madeleine Rose, 2 days old
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Your Brain is Green
Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.
You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).
This was fairly accurate, save the "thinking a lot about the future" part. I live in the present 95% of the time, the other 5% in the future and little to no time in the past. I'm not sure what that says about me though! :)
HT: My favorite Minnesotan
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
On another note, our beloved patron certainly did not fail to imprint his hand on our day with yet another blessing. As many of you know I have been praying for another baby, and the first step in the adoption process is the research of agencies. This will be our first experience with a California adoption, and our state is graced with a plethora of agencies to choose from. But last week, the agency I was most interested in sent this in the mail:
Monday, March 19, 2007
Saint Joseph has never failed to answer our prayers, though, like Saint Teresa of Avila, if something was ever amiss in one of our petitions, he would rectify it for our own good. But the benefits we would receive would always be far greater than we could have ever expected.
During some difficult years in our marriage (not difficulty in marriage per se, just difficult times endured while married), Patrick and I were both living a somewhat vocation-less life. Not that God was not calling us to certain obligations or missions in our state of life at the time. But my husband desired a solid career to provide for his family and I longed to be a mother.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
|Your Five Factor Personality Profile|
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."
You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.
You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.
You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
["God desires to form a masterpiece in our soul. He wishes to form in our soul the perfect image of His Son, just as an artist would make a beautiful statue. But to make a statue you need a chisel and you need a hammer, to chip away.
There is a great story of a French artist who made an incredibly realistic statue of a horse. It was so perfect. It had every muscle, every hair so perfectly executed. It looked as though at any moment it could jump off its pedestal and gallop away. When the people saw this they asked the sculptor, "How did you make a statue that is so perfect an image of a horse?" He replied, "It was really quite simple. I took a block of marble, and I used my chisel and chipped away every piece of marble that did not look like a horse. And what was left was a horse."
Now, God the Father is trying to chip away everything in us that does not look like His Divine Son. How does He chip away? The chisels He uses are our neighbors, those in our lives. This person smacks us here and that one smacks us there. And if we submit, we will become a masterpiece. If not, we will be left rough and unfinished."] - Father Basil Nortz, ORC on The Qualities of Love
Lent is a time of chipping away, isn't it? In words it seems so easy. All I have to do is submit to the Artistry of God. It sounds rather romantic. But this week I have only submitted to the brushstrokes of a painter, not the chisel of a sculptor.
It is said of persons of the sanguine temperament that we are like bees who fly from one flower to the next, always seeking more delight and more beauty. (Those of you who know me, you can stop nodding and laughing!) We enjoy all too well the comforts of this life, the tasty foods, soft blankets and such, and for us, times of constant reflection or sacrifice can be very difficult if we are undisciplined.
Next week marks not only the halfway point on the Lenten path, but it will also be a new week. Perhaps I can do better. Thank heaven for God's infinite mercy!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
In the words of Saint Teresa of Avila in her plea for the faithful to pray to our Holy Patriarch:
"Would that I could persuade all men to be devoted to this glorious Saint, for I know by long experience what blessings he can obtain for us from God. I have never known anyone who was truly devoted to him and honored him by particular services who did not advance greatly in virtue: for he helps in a special way those souls who commend themselves to him. It is now very many years since I began asking him for something on his feast, and I have always received it. If the petition was in any way amiss, he rectified it for my greater good....I ask for the love of God that he who does not believe me will make the trial for himself - then he will find out by experience the great good that results form commending oneself to this glorious Patriarch and in being devoted to him..." --Autobiography, VI, 11-12
One of my favorite prayers to Saint Joseph is this particular novena, which beautifully meditates on the seven sorrows and seven joys in his life with Mary and Jesus. You can also find a variety of beautiful novenas to our beloved patron here. I will have a short novena prayer to St. Joseph on my sidebar beginning today until his Solemnity on March 19th.
Saint Joseph, Foster Father of Jesus, pray for us!+++
Friday, March 9, 2007
~She still calls the potty a "toilep", for example.
~Occasionally we wake to that mysteriously beautiful damp mist outside, and Gianna never fails to notice, "It's soggy out there!" (foggy)
~At the grocery store, I asked Gianna what kind of jam she would like for her sandwiches this month. Her response? Poisonberry. (boysenberry)
It's funny. She can enunciate properly when I correct her, but the correction doesn't seem to have any lasting impression on her memory!
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Thursday, March 8, 2007
When she woke up this morning, Madeleine was warm, extra cuddly and tired-looking but seemed happy enough, so we resumed our day as usual, making beds, eating our oatmeal and playing. But around ten o'clock, the little one seemed particularly worn out, so I put her down for an early nap. My first thought was to get caught up on some spring cleaning, but then it hit me. The two girls always take their naps at the same time in the afternoon, so I rarely have the opportunity to spend any one-on-one time with Gianna.
We made the very best of it.
We started off with a lovely tea party in our backyard, the sweet smell of spring jasmine all around us, when Gianna made a toast (which is custom in our home for tea parties): "To our beautiful family, to God for my toys and my food, and to Madeleine's hurting belly." Then we enjoyed some of our favorite books together. Tasha Tudor's A Tale For Easter begins,
when Mama makes you stand still
And the book continues just as beautifully as it began, adorned with Miss Tudor's lovely illustrations. Gianna quickly became enamored with the idea of hot cross buns, so we made a plan to bake them on Good Friday morning (don't worry, I'll eat mine without the frosting!).
After our leisure reading, we began preparing this delicious soup for dinner. We sang about two dozen nursery rhymes as we chopped, measured and simmered, and made a huge mess of the kitchen!
Between the tales and the supper preparation we did eat lunch, and the questions and comments which flourished during that half-hour will not be long forgotten. As we were consuming our scrumptious PB & Js, Gianna pondered, "Do you think we should take the jelly off our sandwiches and offer it up?"
Madeleine woke up shortly after our dinner preparation, around two o'clock, and seemed much better than before. I was happy to have my baby back. But I was indeed a bit sad that my time with Gianna was over. How special it was to enjoy those four hours with her alone. I learned all sorts of new things about my own little girl in such a short time, and I did not want to lose what I had gained.
Gianna is four years old now. She is curious about more and more every day. The first four years truly flew by and oh, how my baby has grown and changed. In these next four years she will lose teeth, begin homeschooling, approach the age of reason and receive two new sacraments. And at the end of those four she will be half of sixteen!
I just don't want to miss anything!
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I will not bore you with Mr. Gore's study of global warming, the validity of the arguments made, or the political aspect of it all. Let's just say he did not convince me of a threat beyond the capabilty of man and nature to mangage, just they have handled so many others since the beginning of time. And frankly, I'm not terribly interested in the future consequences of the earth's warming while thousands of babies are being slaughtered every day in our present time.
I did learn something from this movie. For the first time, I saw Al Gore as a living, thinking, compassionate human being, and a creature made in God's image, no matter how faded the reflection. I saw a man who is very passionate about an issue he considers highly moral, and whose conviction has led him through years of study, travel, and government petition and pleading. And I was deeply saddened.
Where in this man's life was he led astray? What happened to him, who influenced him, and how old was he when his ideas were formed? How can he be so motivated, convinced and prayerful about an environmental issue, asserting the life threatening consequences of it, while little lives are being lost every minute to abortion? I don't understand it.....do you?
It is indeed sad. How much admiration I would have for Mr. Gore if his abundant passion were ordered towards true life and morality matters, and to the True End. How much good he could accomplish. I keep thinking how sad Our Lady must be over the many souls she desires for her Son whose heads just need to be turned in the right direction. And how every time any of us sins we need to be guided back again.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Please join me in congratulating Beth and Ken on the birth of their first miracle!
Monday, March 5, 2007
This morning Gianna inquired, "Is it still my birthday?" "No, dear, it isn't." Poor girl. Part of growing up for her will be returning to Lent after her big day!
Saturday, March 3, 2007
I spent some time this morning reflecting on these marvelous forty days we have every year to offer more to the Father than we usually do. And it occurred to me that, in my own experience, the difficulty in the sacrifice increases as the days progress. Not only in the particular resolutions made at the beginning of Lent, but also, and even more so in the every day sacrifices that regularly accompany my state in life as wife and mother. Why is it, for example, that making meals is so dreadful these days? My desire to cook seems to have decreased more and more each day since Ash Wednesday. The motivation and excitement for preparing meals is, well, gone. (My poor husband, my poor children.)
But after thinking upon it more, I realized that this emptying of oneself, this reduction of self into nothing is just what may be expected of me. What? God wants me to despise dinner preparation? Well, probably not. But I once heard it said * that it is a deceit of the devil to believe if I could remove this or that trouble from my daily life then I could really advance spiritually - but rather it is said that the very trial given to me is the means, and the only way to advance, and if I rid myself of this trial I rid myself of The Way, The Via Crucis. And so it hit me, I can indeed accept this distaste for cooking, even if a desire to cook benefits my family, as a drought for a time that will in some way help me. How? I don't fully know.
But it does seem rather fitting that this continual decrease in joy and satisfaction that we experience through Lent coupled with an increase in emptiness and abandonment might lead us better to Calvary. And when the Good Friday comes, perhaps we will be more ready to truly hunger and thirst for the Resurrection.
*Fr. Basil Nortz on The Qualities of Love
Friday, March 2, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
My husband recently attended a Catholic conference as part of his continuing job education. During one of the talks, the speaker gave examples of beautiful small aspirations that can be said throughout the day by attaching certain prayers or scripture verses to the tiniest of acts we perform. When turning on a light, for example, we might say to ourselves, "A light unto the Gentiles", or "Light of the world". When walking up stairs, reflecting on the weight of gravity pulling us down we might ponder, "You must increase, as I must decrease." And countless other examples.
We have only been employing this for a few weeks in our home, but how it has turned the smallest jobs which previously required no thought, into moments of prayer. My hope is that it becomes a firm habit impressed on the girls as they grow.
And there is little so precious to a mother's ears as the sound of her daughter's voice inquiring about Simeon and Anna as she turns on her bedroom lamp!